Too good to be true?

I read a pretty little story today about a few women who got pregnant after doing guided imagery for fertility. I like happy endings, but after reading this piece, I find myself wondering if they still would have magically become pregnant if male-factor infertility was a/the cause of fertility problems. If male factor was involved, wouldn't the male partner need to participate in the guided imagery exercises if success was going to be attributed to guided imagery? I do own this CD, by the way, and am a firm believer in holistic approaches to anything seemingly physical. But come on, where's the male version of this thing?

I also think I might be brewing up another topic for future research: Sexism in fertility diagnostics and treatment. For instance, some physicians fall short in addressing or acknowledging the male's contribution to a couple's fertility issues. More to come on this exciting subject!

PS: I'm humbled at the timeliness of how things unfold! Within hours of posting this entry, I discovered my own physician in St. Louis started a blog and is devoting equal time to discussing both female and male issues related to fertility. Awesome! Thanks, Dr. Ahlering.

death is but one night to the soul

I spent 13 years getting to know Tony, an orange cat I adopted from the pound. Probably few can understand the connection we had; soulmate is the closest word that fits. My view of life within the Universe is fairly non-hierarchical; consequently, I have learned a great deal from non-human relationships. My first experience of this was soon after my mom died. I could feel her in the wind, I could sense her presence in the trees, and could feel how strongly we remained connected. The ways I perceived her cannot be explained with words; this is where language limits us.

Shortly before Tony died, I read a book that changed my life, a book that could be dubbed as The Idiot's Guide to A Course In Miracles. I believe when we are seeking, it's not coincidences that are brought forth as lessons, rather, a heightened sense of awareness grows in response to our seeking. In other words, things are there all along, we just haven't developed the context to see them.

When Tony was sick, I consulted with a talented woman who provided a "reading" that bridged the gap between two loved ones - one who was too wrapped up in the physical world and grieving too hard (me) to directly receive the words of a more enlightened being (Tony). His words that she passed on have been carried with me in a small red envelope for 3 years. While dealing with the grief of my nephew's transition, I am reminded that this physical experience we become so tied to is just one part of who we really are.

We have a little secret. We are all one. So I'm not really going anywhere. It's an illusion, an adventure, a play. You will wake up shortly and I will be there.

International House of Prayer

I heard about IHOP several years ago, but I'm usually turned off by anything with a perceived religious branding, so I dismissed it. I since met someone who is part of this organization and I'm intrigued. Not in a searching sort of way - been there, done that, and arrived - but in a voyeuristic sort of way. If I could attend IHOP and observe without being intruded upon, I would go.

The International House of Prayer offers 24-hour prayer and worship services. That's right, church around the clock, 24-7. This idea is modeled after some Biblical story with King David, tabernacles, and day and night worship.

I grew up in a church where black and white was taught: right vs. wrong, sinful vs. holy, you get the idea. I was confused about the other "christian" churches that had different beliefs and rules. To help me reconcile the conflicting messages, my mother told me she'd pondered the same question and received a revelation that: They are all right.

Holy crap. That's the wisest thing I ever walked away with in the context of my religious upbringing. It's true; they are all right - Buddhism, Islam, Christianity. But here's where they are wrong: When they tell other people, "there is only one way." When they tell people, "my way is the right way." When they tell people, "you must think and believe like me."

The Assembled Team

Sometimes it can take more than a man and woman for pregnancy to occur. In our case, I've enlisted a team. Many hours have been devoted to research, consultations, and even some bad matches. Finally, we have people we trust. Following trust is hope - something I haven't felt in a long time.

Reproductive Endocrinologist: We found a knowledgeable and caring physician in St. Louis for our IVF cycle.

Reproductive Immunologist: I've been working with Dr. Kwak-Kim in Chicago for a year. She is the past president of the American Society for Reproductive Immunology and has dedicated her career to research of the immune system's role in human reproduction.

Acupuncturist: Mary Zhang specializes in fertility and has helped many people. Mary and her assistant, also Mary, are extremely knowledgeable and have pointed me to some of the best medical providers in the country. Acupuncture becomes even more important around the time of embryo transfer.

Midwife: This was an accident since I was really looking for a new ob-gyn, but I recruited the most wonderful midwife at my primary care physician's office. Jeanie is a breath of fresh air and doesn't criticize what she doesn't understand. She is excited to learn about our protocol and help out however she can, which includes drawing my blood and handing the tubes back to me so I can ship them to Dr. Kwak-Kim. How refreshing.

Therapist: Kris Probasco is a counselor specializing in fertility issues, has extensive understanding of ART procedures, and is familiar with reproductive endocrinologists and their practices throughout the US. She also runs an adoption agency, including embryo adoption.

Maya Abdominal Massage Therapist: Joan Schmeltz performs this ancient massage technique that can assist with things like getting a tilted uterus in its ideal position.

Hypnotherapy: I already wrote about working with a hypnotherapist in Denver. Since relaxation and a calm mind are important components to conception, I'll be utilizing the meditation techniques that Jim Schwartz taught me, along with some guided meditation CDs.

Open Doors

I haven't had much faith lately. I broke down today when my intricate plans fell apart. The week of October 5th was our planned IVF cycle date. We decided on a clinic in St. Louis since the close proximity would allow us to travel back and forth for a few weeks. The clinic we really want to use is in San Francisco, but with the distance it's not feasible to travel back and forth, so we'd be looking at a two-week stay.

Wanting to know the best course of action upfront and thinking things have to make sense right now has created stress for me. We don't have to do the most logical or practical thing, because the Universe knows the best path for us to take. We don't know the end of this story; it will all make sense in time. My only job is to accept when one door closes and keep my eyes on the doors that do open. Faith is trusting that the next door will open; control is struggling to open the door that's already closed. I'm learning to move on gracefully...

The Perfect Margarita

Combine:
1 oz fresh-squeezed, strained lemon juice
1 oz fresh-squeezed, strained lime juice
2 oz simple syrup
2 oz premium tequila
1 oz Grand Marnier or Cointreau

Fill a cocktail shaker three-quarters full with ice and add listed ingredients. Shake and strain into a pre-chilled margarita or martini glass.

Gomers has Milagro Silver Tequila on sale for about $25.

Costco has the best price on Grand Marnier for $35.

OXO has a good, inexpensive juicer.

You can store lemon juice, lime juice, and simple syrup in the fridge in glass bottles.

My thoughts on fast food

The last time I ate at a fast food restaurant was in 2004 when faced with the choice of eating an Egg McMuffin from McDonalds or eating nothing at all. When I say fast food, I don't count Chipotle, Wahoo's, Planet Sub or other places selling food that tastes like food. I'm talking about the scary stuff - McDonalds, Burger King, KFC, Taco Bell, and Sonic.

Recently I was faced with the dilemma of eating breakfast at a cafe while inhaling second-hand smoke or eating breakfast at Sonic. Even though I chose Sonic, I'm still second-guessing that decision. Sonic doesn't use cheese on their breakfast burritos; they use a glossy, yellow substance that is supposed to look like cheese, but is probably received by the body as a foreign substance. After two bites, I gave my burrito to Steve. I managed to eat 3 deep fried french toast sticks while trying hard to ignore the ingredient list on the package of maple "syrup" and wondered if anyone consumes these things on a regular basis, and if so, how long do they live?

I have colon cancer on both sides of my family, which was my original motivation for adopting a healthier lifestyle and quitting fast food 20 years ago. When you go that long without eating it, fast food becomes terribly unappealing. It's so easy to eat fresh and healthy, and I'm happy more people are doing this, along with supporting local farmers, and demanding more organic products. Look into joining a CSA if you haven't already. Hen House's CSA program is a good one. I find many fabulous recipes using good ingredients - with reader reviews and suggestions - at epicurious.com.



Yikes! What is this?